We’d like to share with you a question on the topic of relationships:
“I seem to be losing friends for no apparent reason — often through mis-understandings that are not even confrontational. Also, at work, a co-worker has angrily confronted me, mis-judging me and accusing me of “blah blah blah” and then I’m not even able to respond to her! I wondered if you had any insights as to why this keeps happening?”
Let’s look at the concept of progressive change. Change is the one constant in life. At all times, the new is becoming less new, then even less new and at some point, it reaches its end point and dissolves. Dissolution is a legitimate and necessary part of life. Without it, there is no progress.
For progress to continue, that which is no longer relevant is dissolved. Space is then created for something more evolutionary.
Relationships are no exception to this phenomenon.
If you notice relationships falling into the dissolution category, it’s nature’s way of sustaining progressive change in your life.
Perhaps a relationship in your life, at one point helpful and enjoyable, now seems to be rough or difficult. The mistake would be to think it’s the result of some individual action or non-action on our part. It’s also a mistake to think the relationship was never good or worthwhile.
When bumpiness arises in a relationship, you’re getting a signal that something needs to shift.
There are two possible ways that change needs to play out:
- a change in frequency of contact– either more or less time together
- a change in proximity– either more or less closeness
Every relationship you’ve been in had some purpose. And every relationship is bound to change, like every other part of life. We don’t need to beat ourselves up because things are moving on. Nor should we try to cling on to something that’s due for change. Our role is to stay natural, friendly, and willing to let go when the time comes.
